Nick Mizak
writer
(kind of)
American Idles
After growing up on a farm and being homeschooled by a dictatorial mother in rural Appalachia, the Clayburn Brothers are unlikely superstars. But since Mama Clayburn's curriculum included just two courses—manual labor and vocal lessons—the adult brothers now have a mastery of the scales and an unmatched ability to harmonize. Initially considered a hillbilly version of Boyz II Men, the four brothers quickly grow into something much, much bigger.But the year-long transformation from overgrown children to global superstars—from performing at the local Moose Lodge to selling out Madison Square Garden—isn't an entirely smooth one. A cast of characters from their hometown are chasing down their own little slices of the American Dream and getting in the way: failed musicians, degenerate gamblers, blackmail artists. Aspiring DJs. Wannabe drug kingpins. A small-town police chief destined, in his mind, to become the next FBI director.The Clayburn Brothers' destiny is clear, but what about all of these other dreamers? An unexpected reunion of the small town's residents—in New York City, of all places—will leave an impact on American culture for generations to come.
The Byrds and The Bees
As the head football coach at Beaumont High School in rural West Virginia, John Byrd is a man who lives and breathes pigskin. Unfortunately, this doesn’t leave him a whole lot of time for much else: teaching, parenting, talking to his wife. Shit like that. But he did manage to find time over the offseason to get drunk and knock up a former student of his, a young lady who also happens to be dating senior fullback Billy Dixon, the heart and soul of the Hornets this year. The ensuing love triangle complicates things for the head coach as he pursues the ultimate goal in life: bringing a Class A state championship back to his hometown.But he’s also got a few other problems facing him this season. He just doesn’t know about them yet.His eleventh-grade daughter’s got a love triangle of her own, with some current and former players (which isn’t great for locker room morale). His ninth-grade son faked a string of concussions so that he could stop playing football and focus more on growing pot in the backyard (and, once it’s harvested, selling it at school). And his wife, well, she’s having an affair (with a star player’s dad).There’s blackmail and drug abuse, manhunts and ICE raids. A few accidental killings—but also some premeditated ones, too. But hey: anything for state, right?
Waldi
After Paul Dewey's miniature dachshund, Waldi, eats a pot brownie one night and fast-growing marijuana plants start appearing in his backyard, Dewey does what any sensible person would—he starts selling pot. But it doesn't take long until the underachieving stoner runs into problems with rival dealers, cops, ex-girlfriends, and most problematic of all, a bunch of neighborhood kids with strong noses and even stronger entrepreneurial instincts. When Waldi goes missing, Dewey will stop at nothing to get his dog back—unless, like, you've got a nice joint ready to go, in which case he probably has time for a quick toke or two.
